June 2-9
Some vacations I wish would never end. Some destinations make me dream of relocation. Some trips proceed so perfectly I know it couldn’t possibly have gone any better.
And then there are some vacations where the best part is being back home.
This was one of those trips where I was glad when it was over and happy to be home.
I’m going to be honest here – as I always am.
This was not my favorite vacation.
Now. I’ll admit that this is likely the result of where I am in this season of my life more so than a reflection on the trip. My husband and kids did enjoy it much more than I did.
So, as much as I always strive to be honest, I fear that listing out my reasons for not enjoying this vacation will only serve to make me sound whiny and ungrateful. After all, I had the opportunity to take a 5-day cruise to the Bahamas, what could there possibly be to complain about?
I recognize that my anxiety disorders and my current mental state would have tainted any trip taken at this point. I also believe we did make the right decision to cancel our 16-day road trip in exchange for this 5-day cruise. As I said, my husband and kids enjoyed themselves.
I've been on two cruises before and I enjoyed them – but those were 15- and 17-years ago. I've changed.
You know, I used to think tent camping was fun and now that sounds like nothing but a bunch of extra work just to be uncomfortable. Well, I used to think cruising was fun but now it just feels like trapping myself in confined spaces with loud crowds and buffet food.
We found ourselves feeling trapped in scheduling our days trying to get to certain places at certain times for different activities (that were usually disappointing).
Also, I am more environmentally conscious than I was all those years ago and I couldn't help but feel like cruising is part of the problem. It encourages such wastefulness and felt so damaging to the very places we want to experience and should be doing better to preserve.
So much food wasted. So much fuel used. So much excess. So much entitlement.
John and I spent time researching coral-safe sunscreens and dealing with the less-than-ideal application of them, but I couldn't help but feel disheartened as I looked around at the thousands of other people on the beach who either never gave it a thought or did and didn't care enough to take action.
I couldn't help but picture that scene playing out every day, day after day, cruise ship after cruise ship running on endless loops. Thousands of cruisers each day. How long can that go on? How long before all the coral and fish around that beautiful private island are destroyed?
Now, I don't want to offend anyone who loves cruising and I'm not even saying I'd never cruise again. All I am saying is that, at this season in my life, on this particular cruise, I couldn't shake these thoughts.
Our day at Princess Cays was, by far, the best day of the trip. My kids love the beach and I loved watching them take it all in. But, the beach is yet another thing I no longer enjoy like I once did.
I never actually took much pleasure in laying out on a beach. I try not to get too much sun and I'm not a huge fan of being hot and sweaty with sunscreen caked on and sand sticking everyplace, finding its way into everything. I'd much rather sit on a balcony beach-side than be down on it.
I once loved snorkeling and have seen some amazing underwater scenes, but my anxiety has robbed that experience of any enjoyment. Plus, I no longer wear contacts and do not have prescription goggles, so I wouldn't be able to see anything but blurry blobs even if I tried.
I love being near a shore of any kind: lakefront, river’s edge, or ocean beach. But, I do not enjoy crowds. So, being on a schedule with 2,000+ other people who have the same 8-hour window to enjoy this one beach was a bit overwhelming.
It was gorgeous, but upon seeing the thousands of beach chairs crowded together and the roped-off swimming areas and the plethora of water sports equipment available for rent, my anxiety skyrocketed.
I know, that just sounds like complaining. But, it helps to explain why, even though this was the best day of the trip, for me, personally, it still wasn’t very enjoyable.
I found myself disappointed in every aspect of the cruise and overwhelmed with anxiety at every experience.
Overall, this was just not an enjoyable trip for me and I was actually eager for it to end so I could get off the ship. I felt palpable relief when we were finally back home.
